


Death is a near Life experience

by Blue Rose (Grovehove)



Series: The Alphabet Soup Series [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, NCIS
Genre: M/M, POV Ducky. BAMF Jimmy Palmer. BAMF Ducky Mallard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 21:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17475296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grovehove/pseuds/Blue%20Rose
Summary: “No-one ever notices the crime scene gremlin or what they are carrying” the rich satisfaction in Jimmy’s voice was actually amusing when Dr Mallard swung his eyes towards the toolbox at his feet. The slight dent in the corner spoke volumes. Jimmy was indeed an enterprising young assistant.





	Death is a near Life experience

  “Really, Mr Palmer, do be more careful of our unfortunate clients” Dr Donald Mallard scolded his young assistant as the overly enthusiastic young man almost dropped the body bag from his mobile gurney onto the sparkling stainless steel autopsy table. He winced as he heard the dull thudding sound of cold flesh hitting metal. That would have actually hurt the poor dear if there had been a spark of life left in the body. What on earth was the usually conscientious young man thinking?

He continued sternly, rare displeasure in his mellow voice “this is most unlike you, James, I know that you know careless handling of the deceased’s remains can affect the results of an investigative autopsy” but before he could launch into full lecture mode, he was stopped by the highly disconcerting sight of the viciously gleeful expression that young Jimmy Palmer turned on him.

Those normally kind and compassionate blue eyes were strange mix of predatory and smug behind his sensible eye glasses. The young man was actually smirking.   
  
Dr Mallard had never seen that expression on Jimmy’s face before. There was a strange aura of bitter retribution that was almost tangible shrouding his young assistant.   
It was really most unlike young Mr Palmer. He could usually be relied upon to be courteous and empathetic with regards to their sad and sometimes distressing duties.  
  
Dr Mallard began to feel a tad perturbed. He drew himself up to his full height and peered over the top of his glasses at his young colleague.

“What have you found Mr Palmer?” he asked firmly.

The anger in Jimmy’s expression didn’t change although his response would have seemed flippant if Dr Mallard had not been facing him directly.  
  
 “I am not actually sure I know what I found Dr Mallard, I also don’t understand why I found it and the condition it’s in. “

There was a considering pause. Ducky blinked. “Ah, that’s quite the analysis. Shall we take a look?”

As he moved towards the body bag, his thoughts returned to earlier in the day.

He himself had travelled back from the latest crime scene with Jethro as he had some matters of a more private nature to share with his taciturn old friend and colleague. In the process leaving his capable young assistant at the mostly silent and deserted crime scene to finish the “tag and bag” as dear Anthony had naughtily coined the term when he first started working major crimes at NCIS.

Dr Mallard’s discussion with Jethro Gibbs was in fact about that dear boy. He was worried about their Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo Jr.  The dear boy was not himself. Hadn’t been himself for quite a while. And it was worrying.  
  
Understandable of course because the poor young man had lost his partner during that appalling attempted alien invasion in New York nearly a year ago. Young Anthony had been devastated.  
    
His partner had been an important member of another Alphabet agency. The rather ridiculous secret agency which was no secret at all to the other agencies in DC. SHIELD.   
  
They had been the ones to mockingly rename NCIS, the National Cattle Insemination Agency.  Dr Mallard had been incensed to say the least. Dear Jethro and Anthony had not interrupted the scolding he had delivered to the appallingly unprofessional Agent who had dared to utter those words in front of him. Bless them, they had allowed him to have his little rant at, what was the name of that supercilious agent? Ah yes Sitwell. Agent Sitwell. The poor man must have taken Ducky’s constructive criticism rather to heart because he now avoided him like the Plague. Plague, bioengineered bubonic plaque. Poor Dear Anthony. He had rather strayed from his original thought process hadn’t he?  
   
It had been the Director of SHIELD, Nicholas J Fury who had contacted the lad and told him of Agent Philip Coulson’s passing whilst defending Earth against a rather unpleasant Norse God named Loki. That utterly ridiculous statement somehow exemplified the whole surreal yet nasty business. An unfortunately common experience whenever one had the misfortune to deal with that duplicitous Agency. However there had been undertones of a greater deception that had stayed with Dr Mallard since the first time he had heard the sad story of the demise of Anthony’s partner.

Despite an active imagination and an open mind Dr Mallard had felt that there was something rather shady about the whole business. He had watched the battle of New York with the other countless millions over the globe, as it played out across the television screen and it had left an unpleasant taste in his mouth.    
  
There had been many scenes of uplifting heroism and tales of tragedy in the following days, yet it was the sight of the devastation on his young friend’s face that utterly broke Dr Mallard’s heart.

That unspeakable bounder Fury had arrived at NCIS and bearded the MCRT in Ducky’s working space. He had come to tell Agent DiNozzo personally he said.  After the terrible tale had ended and Tony had been near the point of collapse, the utter cad had then almost thrown Agent Coulson’s treasured Captain America Trading Cards at the distraught NCIS agent.  The cards young Tony had secretly collected with an obsessive terrier like zeal in order to gift his partner on the very day they had actually moved into their home together. A tangible celebration of the easing of young Anthony’s fear of commitment and joy in the future. Those cards, which had meant so much to the two of them had been blood spattered.     
  
For that alone Dr Mallard would have given the appalling man the scolding of his life, but he didn’t think Anthony could take any more.  Tony had left the cards behind in Autopsy after being led away by Abby and Jethro to grieve somewhere in private.   
  
Dr Mallard had been quietly studying the Director of SHIELD whilst everyone else was focused on Tony.  He was well aware that the most successful spies were almost akin to magicians in their sleight of hand and distraction techniques and he had seen the quickly hidden satisfaction as the leather clad Director reached for the abandoned cards.  
  
Needless to say the pointed placement of the terribly sharp bone saw in front of said cards and the even more pointed clearing of Dr Mallard’s throat saw the Director take a step back, and his removal from the room was ensured as Dr Mallard followed him implacably towards the exit, a second bone saw being gently swung in his capable hands.   
   
Dr Mallard’s voice had been ice cold when he had told Fury “I would advise you to very carefully stay out of Agent Gibb’s sight. As he had excellent sniping skills perhaps you should relocate to another country. Now kindly leave my laboratory.”

Fury had stared grimly at Dr Mallard but after a lifetime career of staring into the blank eyes of the violently deceased, there was nothing in Fury’s expression that could remotely discompose him.  
  
Dr Mallard had watched the man finally strut out of the room. He sincerely wished that he himself actually carried a firearm because he would quite cheerfully have added another body to his freezers. He wouldn’t damage his second best bone saw on that man. Shooting that disgraceful individual in the back was too good for him.  
  
Then his eyes were drawn back to the cards.  The cards that Fury had been insistent on Tony seeing. There was something about Fury’s performance that disturbed him. And that was an interesting term to use. Dr Mallard realised that he did see Fury’s arrival and the delivery of the sad information as a performance. A very well staged performance, including the bloody props.   
The delivery was so shocking and personal that even such an excellent investigator as young Tony would be thrown off balance.   
  
Ducky could see no other reason as to why the cards had been part of the message delivery unless they were to ensure that there would be no further questions asked. And if one took that to its logical progression, then there were undoubtedly more questions to be asked.

Dr Mallard so disliked that man. The not so good Colonel (and he had his own personal doubts about whether that man had ever been in the military) played games within games. He manipulated everything and everyone around him as easily and instinctively as breathing.  Coulson had supposedly been the man’s friend. Yet he delivered the grievous news of his demise to his beloved young partner as if he were delivering some appalling fast food take way and with about as much empathy. Dr Mallard wouldn’t have been surprised if the horrid man had asked Tony for a tip.   
  
Shock upon cruel shock. Overwhelming the senses and negating intelligent thinking. Poor dear Tony had not been in any fit state to ask any questions and all of his team mates were rightly concerned with him, not the messenger or the actual message.   
  
Those cards continued to draw his experienced eyes.

“Mr Palmer, would you be so kind as to fetch me a DNA swab kit please” he gently asked his traumatised young assistant without removing his gaze from the trading cards.

“Dr Mallard, Sir” the young man began to stutter as if he wasn’t sure what he had been asked.

“Jimmy my dear boy, I need a DNA analysis kit, from the middle wall cupboard in the store room”   
  
Dr Mallard’s voice was infinitely kind and calm as he once more requested the item slowly and clearly. Dr Mallard had found over the course of his career when dealing with shocked and traumatised people that it was the best way. Patience was definitely a virtue in those scenarios.  He heard the young man move to do his bidding. Dr Mallard pulled on his gloves and set to work.

Dr Mallard had not yet informed his bereaved young friend that the blood on the Trading cards had not been that of his deceased partner. He had however informed Senior Agent Jethro Leroy Gibbs, and young Mr Palmer had promised to uphold the confidentiality of Dr Mallard’s analysis until such time the Doctor thought it prudent for the young Agent to know. The good Doctor knew it was relevant but he refused to raise that dear boy’s hopes or distract him from his grieving process. It was hard enough for Anthony as it was.

The last time Ducky had seen that very expression on his assistant’s face was when the blood samples for the cards came back as unknown. Ducky would not have been surprised at the time if the opportunity had occurred, Jimmy would have cheerfully run over Colonel Nicholas J Fury with the NCIS Medical Examiner’s truck. To be fair, he probably would also back up and then move forward once again to ensure that the truck attack was effective.

Nearly a year later Dr Mallard was looking at Jimmy with his eyebrows raised in mild disapproval. He really didn’t want to peer over his glasses at him again because that usually caused the young man such anxiety he stammered his way through apologies or explanations or even both.

This time Jimmy’s chin firmed.  His voice was cold with an underlying anger that was most surprising and caused Ducky’s own hackles to rise. Whatever had upset the dear boy was undoubtedly unpleasant.

“I found him at the Crime Scene after everyone left Dr Mallard. I thought I should bring him here for a proper analysis of the facts.”

“My dear boy, why on earth would you think a dead body should be anywhere else?” Dr Mallard’s voice and expression showed his utter confusion at Jimmy’s statement.

That extremely disturbing smile, half utter fury and half outraged disbelief, once more crossed Jimmy’s face

“I never said it was an actual dead body, Dr Mallard Sir. I suggest you open the body bag”

Consternation and concern crossed Dr Mallard’s kind face. “James Palmer, you did not put a living person inside a corpse bag and throw them down onto an autopsy table” he began to rant as his hand reached for the zipper to peel back the bag with the effortless ease of long practice

Jimmy merely nodded at the autopsy table once more and Ducky turned to look at the partially open bag, only to meet the irritated blue eyes of the supposedly dead Agent Phillip J Coulson.   
  
In a separate part of his mind, Ducky commended his young assistant’s innovative and creative use of the crime scene “NCIS Do Not Cross” duct tape to ensure that Coulson could not talk intelligibly or at any volume. A warning this prone foolish man should have heeded.  
  
“No-one ever notices the crime scene gremlin or what they are carrying” the rich satisfaction in Jimmy’s voice was actually amusing when Dr Mallard swung his eyes towards the toolbox at his feet. The slight dent in the corner spoke volumes. Jimmy was indeed an enterprising young assistant.   
  
Dr Mallard was not surprised at the rush of utter rage that clouded his own vision for at least a full minute whilst the zombie figure watched him, trying to speak around the tape. The garbled noises added to the surreal quality. No doubt they would be some attempt to bargain his release or justify his appalling actions. Ducky found that he had absolutely no interest in listening to or understanding a word that the duplicitous individual wanted to say.

Ducky simply pulled the zipper back up again. Agent Coulson had left Tony in despair for nearly a year. He could contain himself in patience for a little time longer whilst Ducky and Mr Palmer had some reviving refreshment. The man should think himself lucky that he was not going to be stored in one of the freezers.

It really was time for tea. Young Mr Palmer would undoubtedly enjoy a cup of Earl Grey with a nice cream cake after his strenuous return from the crime scene.

Then Dr Mallard would have a word with Jethro and young Anthony in private to allow the poor young man the time to process the news.  His heart was heavy with the very thought of telling this sorry tale to his dear Anthony.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a reversal of a Ducky quote “You and I know that life is a near death experience”  
> It was supposed to be funny but it didn't want to be written that way. Ducky is majorly peeved and Jimmy is almost incandescent with rage. This one is a lot more angsty than the first. I seem to be fixated on the reveal that Coulson is alive. I am working on a different version of this which will probably be funnier.. maybe.   
> I will upset Tony at a later date with the reveal.


End file.
